I wrote in the entry “The Vicious Cycle” about my journey on the job and prospect front over the past 6 months, and added a paragraph today (recounted below) that seems to more clearly identify what is “cyclical” about what’s been happening. It has to do with a tendency to identify some possibility for work that comes along, and expending a lot of energy in trying to “make something from it”, and then see what once appeared as a possible “answer to prayers” and an opportunity recede into one more dead end – or , at best, have to be put on the “back burner” in order to find something more immediately beneficial (as in “producing an income”). This section is as follows:

So the “Cycle” continues, in which I seem close to “throwing in the towel” and signing myself up for some kind of work where I will be most often fairly miserable and very much un-attached and “out of body”. Then another “hope” comes along, and a stage a full-scale retreat (all too gladly), and pour myself into pursuing what could be “a way to stay afloat, at least for a while). Several times now, as I describe above, I have stretched out this period from January all the way through the middle of May.