This morning Kelli brings this in to my office and says “Happy Father’s Day Daddy”. After I took one bite, I thought I should snap a picture. Today will be hard, I’m afraid, as my mind and emotions seem to be dominated by the sense of shame that I feel that I have let the family down in the “provide for” department.

Although I know that there’s more to fatherhood than bringing home the bacon, it’s important. I will be especially sensitive to the two great children I have, but right along side of that, the lingering questions of “How long , O Lord?” I never thought it would be this long.  I felt something was right arond the corner.  I kept telling myself that,  so I kept hunting,  sending out resumes,  emailing people with ideas and thoughts.  Here I am,  6 and a half months later,  where I seem no closer.  “Surely…” I say to myself,  “Surely something I’ve done during all this time is having an effect,  and is putting my name in the right places and before the right people”.  Still,  nothing.  I’m going to check into doing some “Courier” work,  to supplement the few Web projects I’ve had lately. 

15 years ago from this past Mother’s Day, Janet was depressed that she wasn’t a mother yet, after 5 years of marriage. Almost exactly 9 months later, Brian was born. That had to be close to when the prayers and “How long?” cries were going up. It gives me thought today; perhaps some hope; but one can never be sure of such things. Only trust that something is ahead, and that a call to “a land that [God] will show [me]” Keep me in your prayers today.