After my job ended Nov. 21,  I once again picked up the book of sermons by Gordon Cosby.  I was entering a fearful time (and I’m still there).  Chapter 15 was where my bookmark sat,  and the Chapter is entitled “Reducing Fear”,  followed by “Detachment”,  “Deepening Connections”.  Those three chapters helped me at just the right time.  Nothing is solved yet with my job situation,  but “Reducing Fear” was mostly about seeking what God calls me to,  and realizing in that experience the fulfillment of doing what I most want to do in my inner being.

Time and time again,  fear of unfulfilled work;  that my vision for Web and Church would be put on perennial hold; this kept me asking myself if this was worth sticking out.  In the end,  instead of finding something else and leaving,  I stayed and kept busy,  and didn’t have the urgency about me to seek other open doors,  and it ended up driving my frustration way too deep.  I kept jabbing with biting comments. 

I needed “detachment” —- to keep in touch with what was real (the thing God was calling me to) and do what I was doing there without the kind of rebellious feelings I had and “do the job” while hoping and dreaming and envisioning ways to fulfill my call.  If I perceived the job to be out of my hands and moving along without the kind of direction I felt it needed,  then that was the amount of “detachment” I needed —- dis-engage there,  and “Deepen Connections” to the actual real things:  the vision that kept calling me ,  toward which I was going to have to find other ways to move.