I had been feeling pretty good earlier today.  Went to my parent’s Church,  and heard a pretty good sermon.  Then we ate at my parent’s house while watching football ,  and then came home.   I sent out some more emails to people that might know of some job leads,  and I had written some stuff this morning that had me feeling hopeful.  But a couple of messages tonight with “Sorry,  nothing I know of,  and I start getting a more full-fledged version of “I may be facing a long, hellish haul”.  And so I’m on the downdip of the rollercoaster ride that is the process of trying to find something new.

I wake up each morning since Thursday and can’t believe that I’m facing this.  Not knowing how long this is going to be.  Afraid that noone is needing to add people now,  or that if they were,  they don’t want someone 46 years old,  or they can’t pay nearly enough.  Oh, man,  I need a walk.  I might be back later if I’m not too exhausted from all the panic that seeps in and then goes underground — only to surface inevitably when I wake up in the middle of the night or wake up in the morning and I’m not heading out to the office.