I believe that the Church is suffering from a glaring lack of first steps. What I mean is that the things like Bonhoeffer’s “cinema” and the political season’s rash of books relaying warnings about the destructive and deceitful habits of the Bush administration are evidence of how the Church has failed to confront its station (the world — which in our case, puts our tumultuous political and international situation front and center) with the truth with which it has been entrusted through revelation. The FIRST STEPS are perception and confrontation; speaking the truth to power. FIRST STEP is not really a chronological step, although recognition of a problem is often first; but Bonhoeffer would suggest, as I read him, that it is in the embodiment of the revealed alterbatives; the kind of life that is given to us as a Church that is to be carried out in the world, and that is to act as a living NO to the efforts of the world.

If the Church had been speaking in a clear voice for PEACE, there would have no need to even mention who was a better choice for President. On that same token, as a Christian, John Kerry failed to proclaim what I feel he knew in his heart to be true; that war, if EVER justifiable, is a last resort. But he never said that, due to “political expediency”. The Church in America failed to be the Church. Plain and simple.

But FIRST STEPS implies that there are OTHER things; and there are. My friend to whom I wrote the long email yesterday replied that he has noticed how many “political activists” often run dry on the matter of connection to a body of Christ; in other words, they are all “Journey Outward” and very little “Journey Inward”, which the people of The Church of the Saviour have learned via their history leads to an imbalance; a burnout. I have been in activist Churches that seem to have no interest whatsoever in knowing me; indeed, have experienced actual resistance to things I have shared concerning what my calling is (bringing to bear the resources of online community for service in the mission of the Church).

So there is the matter of incubating this Inward Journey, but also being busy with getting at what this particular community, with these particular gifts (and seeking to discover WHAT those gifts are) is being called to do in this particular time. CALL has to do with a journey of the individual, being formed IN COMMUNITY (The Church) and in that relationship, incubating and “eliciting” (“calling forth”) particular gifts, joining forces with others sensing similar or complimentary calls, to form MISSION.

All of these steps result in the missing “alternative”; the mission that results is the LIVING alternative; the incarnate God in us; inviting us into, and enabling us through the Spirit, to accomplish a ministry.

Out there, in the Churches, I long for and search, and find nothing of the sort. Nowhere close. I have no choice but to continue looking, perhaps open to the idea that it may be my articulation of this concept of Church that triggers a similar longing in someone else, and that a community needs to happen “from scratch” so to speak. But I fear the arrogance in that , too, and wonder if that possibility is blinding me to joining myself to another community. But I have grave doubts about the prospects of “reforming” and existing community with ingrained membership expectations (which are basically nothing; no “accountability” exists anymore. I can be absent for months and I get zero to one call asking where I’ve been. And so I have my fill of it, and throw up my hands. Part of me fears there’s something wrong with ME. That I irritate people, or am no fun to be around, or uninistersting, or even NURDY. I don’t think I’m nurdy. Even if I was , that should be OK. I don’t know what it is. I just have to proceed and assume that the place where I am meant to be is a place that first and foremost is not only going to accept me, but needs and desires the gifts that I bring.